


Falling Flowers

by LeeGale



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 06:23:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15261342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeGale/pseuds/LeeGale
Summary: Ceil has the hanahaki disease because of his love for his best friend, Sebastian. Will his love be returned, or will the flowers drown him?





	Falling Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I hope you guys like this. I'm thinking about doing a second part, so tell me if you're interested, and maybe give me a few ideas!

Love. It's the kind of word you associate with happiness, right? The kind that makes you think of warmth, hugs and kisses, right? Well, that isn't the case for me. Personally, I associate love with pain, choking and flowers. Purple roses, to be exact. Why do I associate something that is supposed to be happy with such dark, morbid things you may ask. Well, that's because my love is unrequited, and it's killing me. And I don't mean figuratively. I mean literally. I have the absolute pleasure of the hanahaki disease. For those of you who don't know what the hanahaki disease is, it is what people who have to deal with their love being, ya know, unrequited get. If you have hanahaki, flowers grow in your lungs until your love is returned, you have an operation to remove the infection (which also removes your ability to love at all) or until you finally choke on your flowers and die. Do you now see why I hate love? It is actually killing me, but I don't want to lose my ability to love altogether. So I have to soldier through it, hoping against hope that my love will finally see me the way I see him. But I doubt he ever could. I mean, he's the straightest guy I know, so there is no way he could ever see his gay, male friend the same way. There is only so much a guy can ask for. I'm amazed he doesn't know I have it yet, since we see each other basically everyday. Yeah, he's pretty oblivious. But I guess that works in my favor, cause it means I don't have to deal with having to awkwardly confess, only to be inevitably rejected. Yeah. Love is not as easy as you think, is it?

____________________________________________________________________________________

Love. It knows no bounds, right? It makes everything better, right? Well, I still have hanahaki, and my love is still unrequited, so, it does not. Also, I found out something that is kinda upsetting. You know how I'm in love, right? Well, it turns out the guy I love, the always amazing Sebastian, is pansexual. How is that upsetting, you may ask. Well, think about it this way: I still have hanahaki, meaning my love is still unrequited. If you consider that, you can come to the conclusion that I am just not desirable. At all. That kinda stings, and I low-key want to curl up into a ball and cry. But that isn't the best bit. Oh no. Far from it, actually. You see, Sebastian came out to me first, saying that I'm his "best friend" and that he "trusts me more than anyone else". You'd think I'd be over the moon at the revelation that the one I love trusts me more than anyone else he knows, but he called me his best friend. Ouch. Not only was I friend-zoned, I was best-friend-zoned. Fabulous. Not only does Sebastian not see me romantically, but he sees me as his best friend, meaning that I have literally no chance with him. Like, why do I have to love someone who could want me, but finds me so undesirable that I am not even in the running for his heart? Who only sees me as his best friend? I mean, I'm grateful that I am that much, but still. Ouch.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Love. The kind of thing that, if unrequited, makes you want to curl up into a ball and cry or start coughing up flowers. The thing that can make people feel as if everything is perfect, or as if their entire world is falling apart. I didn't always hate love, but since I got hanahaki I kinda just... gave up on it, ya know? I mean, my constant insecurities and self-esteem issues went through the roof when I realized that Sebastian doesn't love me (and probably never will), so I kinda just... stopped hoping. I honestly don't know why I even bother to put myself through keeping love when it hurts so much. I guess it's because when Sebastian does something that makes me fall for him all over again, I get a fuzzy, addictive warmth in my chest. I just... He is everything I've ever wanted in someone, except he only sees me as a friend. His best friend, sure, but still just a friend. He means so much to me, and I know he cares, but he doesn't see me the same way. I can't even bring myself to hope, to dream, that one day maybe, just maybe, he'll help cure me. Huh. Stupid, right? Love is supposed to be the thing people dream about, what they wish for. Everyone wants to fall in love, but no-one wants to get hurt. Why do we do this to ourselves?

________________________________________________________________________________

Love. The one thing no-one will ever feel for me, right? Sure, maybe some people will feel platonic love for me but that's it, right? At least that's what I thought. But now I'm not so sure. Ya see, my flowers are subsiding, so maybe I was wrong. Probably not. As if my flowers are slowing. There's no way that could happen. Unless... No. It's not possible. But all the facts _do_ lead to the same conclusion. Maybe... Sebastian is starting to fall for me? No. I can't... That's not something I could ever even hope could be the case. It just... I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Love. It can make or break you, right? It can heal you, or it can kill you, right? Well, it's still slowly choking me, so maybe it will break and kill me. Probably. And things have gotten worse. I don't mean my condition though, just things with Sebastian. Well, I'm not sure I could say they've gotten worse, since we're closer than ever, but Sebastian knows about my condition. Not that he caused it, obviously, but he knows I have it. So he wants to "be there for me" and all. I mean, I'm happy that he hasn't asked me who caused it, but that might be because he already knows. Maybe he knows I didn't tell him because it's him I love, because he is the cause of my hanahaki. Or maybe he just doesn't want to make me push him away. I mean, I _did_ tell him I had never told anyone, and that he was the first to know apart from my doctor (which is true) so he might not want to pressure me, cause he knows that I close myself why someone tries to force me into something I do not want to do. That's probably it. Hopefully. I don't want to push him away, but if Sebastian starts to ask me about the cause of my hanahaki, I am likely to end up telling him, and that would be disastrous. 

________________________________________________________________________________

Love. It can make you do stupid things, right? It can make something you would never normally do seem okay to do, right? Well, that's what happened with me anyway. I did something stupid, and now I've run away. I always seem to run from my problems. It's just what I do. I... I told Sebastian that he is the cause of my hanahaki. And I ran. I left my phone at his, I took my keys and car, then ran. He... When I told him, Sebastian just looked at me blankly. We had been chilling out, then he asked me who caused my hanahki so that he could "get them to realize how amazing I am", so I told him that it wouldn't help, because he alrady knew it. He asked what I meant, so I blurted that he caused my hanahaki. Then he just... stared. So I ran. And then I drove. I don't know where I am exactly, but I found a McDonald's and have been here for a couple hours now. I only stopped driving cause my car ran out of fuel. All I know about where I am is everyone has an accent, and I feel scared. I don't know what to do, and I need to keep moving. I just... I can't go home. Sebastian is there, and he knows that I love him now. I... I miss him, but I can't ever see him again. It hurts so much, but I can't. He doesn't love me back and... I'm choking. Help me. Please, help me. I can't...

_____________________________________________________________________________

Love. It can be the thing everyone lives for, or the thing that kills people, right? Well, it nearly killed me. While at McDonald's, I started to choke on my flowers. It got so bad that I couldn't breath. It was my worst attack. One of the girls working at the time called an ambulance, but by then it was almost too late. Halfway to the hospital, I stopped breathing at all. By the time that we arrived, the paramedics were ready to say i had officially died, but my doctor was there. She gave me the medicine I needed, and it helped. They managed to get me breathing again, but they nearly lost me. I'm okay now, but they do need to keep me in for a while. The nurses called my emergency contact: Sebastian. Here I was, hoping I would never need to see him again, hoping that I could get away with dying and him not knowing, but that isn't the case. As soon as I realized he was with me, I screamed at Sebastian, telling him to leave. He did eventually, but only after one of the nurses told him that his presence was bad for me. I felt terrible afterwards, so I told the nurse who keeping an eye on me to let him in. He looked distraught, but all I did was say hi, and all he did was sit on the chair next to me. He fell asleep a few minutes ago,but he's holding my hand. I haven't felt the need to cough in hours.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Love. It can bring people together, or it can tear them apart, right? Well, it brought Sebastian and I together. My doctor officially gave me the all clear earlier. Apparently, my confession and then near-death experience caused feelings no-one even knew Sebastian had to become known. It turns out, my suspicions that my flowers were slowing were right, and it turned out Sebastian was slowly falling for me. Funny, huh? It took me almost dying for Sebastian and I to finally get together. Not that I'm complaining. He loves me, which is more than I ever let myself hope for. We've decided to take things slow, even though we know that we d really love each other, but mainly because it means we can do things right. Not much is going to change, except we can be more cuddly and go on official dates. But we're happy. After all this time, love won, even if it was a long, complicated path.

For the first time since I contracted hanahaki, I can breath, and it's because of Sebastian.


End file.
